Dear Lenny
by definedancing
Summary: Yuki's last words to his best friend, was a oneshot. But then I wrote drabble, so now a multific. Suicide/Misery, so be warned! XD
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Lenny_

_Medicine. It's such a profound word, isn't it? There is a medicine for everything these days, in the form of drugs, in the form of pills, in the form of some stern talking. You know why I went into medicine, don't you? You know how much my brother meant to me. He was the sweetest, funniest, most influential guy I had ever known; the man I looked up to and related to. And hell, the failings of medicine with the combination of bad luck took him away at all but 24 years old. Stupid me, thinking I'd find answers, but hey, pretty much everything I do is stupid._

_I don't mind anymore about people mocking me, and my "geekiness" and my "naivety". It's like I'm immune to it, like how somebody becomes immune to chickenpox after having. That statement doesn't entirely ring true-you don't really become immune after having it, but that's beside the point. I hate being a geek; no, I hate myself, every single inch of myself. I hate my incapacity to engage in conversation, my inability to do anything right in the ED, my failure to make my brother proud, things blowing up in my face on every single God damn attempt. I hate these stupid glasses, this stupid haircut, and this stupid awkwardness that I can't get rid off, no matter how much I tried, no matter how many books on self confidence and social anxiety I read, no matter how many times I typed on Google, no matter how many times the useless therapist lectured on about "targets". _

_May, oh May. You had no idea how much I loved her. She was my world, and I would do anything for her. In hindsight, I wanted her to be delighted with me, and think that Yuki was awesome, and Yuki would take her off her feet and carry her away some sickly old fairy like tale. But no, why the hell would a beautiful girl like May want the class geek who was easy to manipulate, and foolishly lenient. I wouldn't have cared if she had beaten me up every single day; I would have had her and that was all that would matter. It's "love"-only, it was one sided. _

_Did you have a personality transplant? Because, before I went, you weren't so nice. You were just the annoying housemate I happened to work with and I never passed a second thought. In fact, I saw you as just downright rude and annoying, but I wouldn't say it in fear of making enemies._

_Why were you so nice to me when I came back? It's not like I was dying-sure, a few bruises here, dehydration there, but it was okay, right? Got discharged the next day, right? Right as rain, except, there was this huge gaping hole, the thunder cloud disrupting the peace, and all that could be done was to wait for the hole to heal, like, medicine. Only, there are no drugs for a broken heart, apart from good old Lenny to smile, and cheer you up, and give you a hug._

_It didn't mean anything, though, did it? It was all out of concern rather than anything else, treating me like a patient. Only, it felt like a lot more than that. I felt loved. And I hate to say it-It sounds completely crazy, completely abrupt, completely unlike me-but, I fell in love with you too._

_But again, why would anyone want to be with a shy, lonely, troubled geek like me? You did a hell of a lot better-Michelle or Marie or whatever her name is. Always the first in line for a flirty night out, and there's me sat in the outskirts, telling myself to keep inside the feelings of jealousy and anger and complete and utter worthlessness, buying drinks for Zoe so she would continue mouthing off and being outspoken and cheeky. That's even if I go out with you at all; these days are spent alone with the microscope, an empty home for an empty heart._

_You watched Wall-E with me, didn't you? Wall-E is so alone until Eve loves him back. I wish you would love me back. Maybe you do. Either way, I could never say, you know what I'm like, stumbling on words, messing everything up. It's all okay to you and everyone else if I just curl up in my room and not leave until work. It doesn't matter, because Yuki's shy and Yuki likes to be on his own. What person likes to be on his own though? Where did you get that assumption from? Perhaps the fact that I do just that to myself a lot. I take full responsibility because it's not like anyone locked me in my room, its four walls all too monotone and all too familiar. It's just that I don't feel like facing the world today; I didn't yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that one._

_When I lie in bed and listen to you talking away to your girlfriend, I imagine that you would just curl up next to me, but it doesn't happen. It's come close though. You come in to say if I'm okay, if I want anything from the shop or to eat, and my answer is always the same to the first question. "I'm fine, Lenny, don't worry about me!" _

_It's the answer that officially makes me the stupidest person on Earth. The thing is, I'm scared what would happen if I said no. I don't want to cry, and I really don't want to see you cry either, and if I told you how I really felt, then you'd be upset and you'd panic and maybe you wouldn't even believe me. Maybe you'd think it was for the attention, and you probably wouldn't be too far off the mark-probably, as in, I don't even know myself anymore. You've been through enough heartache for yourself, and I wish I was better at the bromance thing, because I really messed my chances up._

_I'm sorry it's come to this. I don't know what state you'll find me in, probably a bad one, and that's if you even find me at all. You stick your head around the door less and less these days. I'm sorry if I hurt you, and I'm sorry for not confiding in you too, and I'm sorry that I love you so much, because you deserve more than me. So live your life, Lenny. Be a great doctor, become a consultant, kiss a girl, hang out with Jay, start a family-you don't need me, nobody does. _

_Be happy._

_Yuki x_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Yuki_

_I don't understand you, man. You did all this crazy stuff because you felt bad about things that were out of control? It's crazy, Yuki. You didn't explain anything. You didn't talk about anything. How can anybody help you if you don't speak up?_

_I don't get why you put yourself down so much. I know people aren't always nice to guys like you. I know that people find the shy, sensitive type as a hindrance, a flaw, a loser, if you like. Wake up! There's nothing to be ashamed of about being a bit less socially mature than others-all it takes is a bit of support and self belief, the latter being something you lack. There's no shame in being geeky or eccentric. You're not perfect-but who is? Because I know I ain't. _

_I thought I was messed up, right up until I found you. I see it in my mind, over and over, the box of pills in one hand and the smashed bottle in the other. It makes me feel physically sick. I don't know how to feel about you, Yuki. I don't know whether to be angry, or sad, or guilty, or even shocked thinking about it. I'm guessing it's a mixture of the four, four horrible emotions that aren't easy to let go of._

_I'm angry because in a way I think that you tried to leave me, y'know? I thought I could talk to you about my problems, and it makes me angry that you would be selfish enough to put me through hell to watch your own self inflicted suffering, and yet selfless enough to refuse to tell anybody how you were feeling yourself. I would've been there y'know? We could've sorted all of these emotions out, even the romantic ones…which I don't get to be honest. You'll have to talk to me about that one, mate. _

_I'm sad though because you're in so much pain, as I'm watching you sleep right now. You look so afraid, Yuki, even now. Is it because you know your plan failed? It's scary seeing you so lost and alone. If you weren't hooked up to all these drips and stuff I would give you the friendliest bromantic hug ever given in the history of hugging. Yeah, I think you might have laughed at that one. Perhaps not actually, you haven't laughed for weeks._

_That's where the guilt comes in, because I should've seen it coming. I'm your best friend and I was too occupied with myself to notice that you were falling into a downward spiral of depression and despair. But you hid things so well, Yuki. We all know you as a shy, quiet guy who knows everything there is to know about medicine, and none of that changed. You just went from the shy, quiet, but seemingly content guy to the shy, quiet and completely isolated from everybody guy. Looking back, I could see you crack. Ever since May went packing, you've thrown syringes at my head, smashed me in the face, thrown books at me…crazy stuff, completely out of character for you, but I thought you were just stressed out or something. It upsets me greatly to know that you continue to see yourself as a doormat aswell. You're better than that, and deep down, you know it._

_I don't think the rest of the E.D. mocks you. Zoe is sarchy, Jordan's a little merciless, and Ruth is just a cow most of the time, but nobody dislikes you, nobody has it in for you. Maybe we should have noticed that you seemed a little lonely and all that, but we were so busy with our own lives that it wasn't deemed important. I admire your reasons to go into medicine even now. You could've told me about Haro though, y'know? I'm not one to talk-I speak nothing of my family, and losing your brother must have been painful._

_You've got to think about the people who care about you Yuki. Me, for one, and your parents, and all of the people you work with, and all of the crinklies who come in and tell you how wonderful you are, and all of the people who you save and they thank you for it. You've been good to me Yuki, now just be good to yourself. Let me look out for you, and let's sort this out. I'll be there, promise._

_Lenny. x_


	3. Chapter 3

Lenny came home as usual that day, bag over shoulders, shopping in his left hand. He went into the kitchen, put the shopping down on the side, and poured himself a drink. He clasped his hand around the glass, the need to unwind becoming apparent. It was going to be a quiet night in for Lenny; no intention of drinking out, no intention of seeing the girlfriend either. He stepped out into the stairway.

"Yuki!"

Lenny's voice was telltale, a smirk on top of his already smug face. But there was no reply after a minute, which was atypical, as Yuki always replied, however subtly. He shuffled up the stairs, until he reached the hallway. His friend's door was shut.

"Yuki, mate?"

Lenny heard nothing. Maybe he was out? No, Yuki never goes out. Concerned, he opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared him.

"What the…Yuki!"

Yuki was lying on his side, arms dangling over the bed. The glasses he wore were lying on the bridge of his nose; his eyes were slammed shut and his skin unhealthily dank and pallid. He had been sick numerous times, vomit in a pool on the floor next to a shattered, half empty bottle of Vodka, and a cardboard box which previously contained hydromorphone pills. Lenny stood, mouth wide open, a sense of absolute fear paralyzing him, if only momentarily. He raced over to his friends side, looking closely-_now was the time to be a doctor_.

Gripping Yuki's hand, Lenny noticed his fingertips were a tinge of blue. His hand, he thought, was so, so cold, but moving his fingers up to his wrist, he felt a pulse. Lenny cleared his throat, bewilderment and confusion and terror welling up inside him, and moved his hand over his friend's hair.

"Alright, Yuki, man, can you hear me?"

Nothing. Lenny sat up, still stroking his friend's hair, and dialled 999.

"Dr Trueman!" Polly shouted, pulling the trolley through the doors, with Jeff and a horrified Lenny beside Yuki. "Adam, it's Yuki!"

Adam Trueman jumped back when he saw his colleague, and exchanged panicked looks to Mr Jordan. The two of them got to their feet.

"Get him into resus."

The doctors got to their work, taking blood tests, attaching drips and monitors and doing vitals, whilst Lenny stood back in a state of astonishment. Mr. Jordan stepped back and walked over to him.

"Dr Lyons, what happened?"

Lenny felt his hands tremble.

"He's tried to top himself!"

Nick's face fell, compassionately, and he sighed before nodding.

"Do you know what he's taken?"

Lenny thought back to the medication on the floor.

"Hydromorphone, I think…"

"How long ago?"

Lenny looked up, frightened. These were questions that he couldn't answer.

"I don't know…I don't think for long."

Nick nodded and put his hand on Lenny's shoulder. Tess walked over after Nick, looking crestfallen as she asked Lenny to go outside. Lenny shook his head and swallowed.

"I want to stay with him."

"Dr Lyons, please. Come on, we'll get a drink."

"Tess!

"Dr Lyons, I know you're concerned, but Yuki's a patient now, like any over. Come on."

Lenny exhaled, frustrated, as Tess escorted him out of resus doors. He walked like a phantom almost. The rest of the ED had established what had happened, although most didn't know why Yuki was so ill. Tess put her arm round his shoulder and took him into the vacant staff room. They sat down, although Lenny was clearly restless. Tess sympathised.

"Do you know why Yuki took the pills?"

Lenny put his hands into his blond hair and sighed, before looking up again and shaking his head. Tess shot another concerned look. Lenny thought this was odd; she'd never been a big fan of his joking around.

"Well, did you notice any change in behaviour? Did he get upset easily; is there anything that could have triggered it…?"

"I don't know, Tess! I really don't know!"

"Okay. Okay I know you're upset."

The two of them refused eye contact for a pause of about 30 seconds. Lenny held his knees to his chest, before looking up again.

"He's been quiet, but it didn't seem a problem, because he's always quiet. And he, y'know, didn't go out. He just…kept to himself. Stayed in his room. Said he was fine, whenever I asked. Now I think about it…something really wasn't right. He was agitated all the time, crying all the time. Oh God, why didn't I notice anything Tess!"

Tess put her hand on Lenny's shoulder.

"Sometimes, when we have a lot on, we don't notice things. Yuki…you said it yourself. He's always been so shy and so quiet, and signs of depression are hard to spot, Lenny. You should not blame yourself."

The kind words of Tess weren't enough to calm Lenny down, as he slammed his fist on the desk.

"But I do, Tess! He's my best friend! I thought he could talk to me!"

"Lenny, I think he just had a hard time talking about his problems…"

"And I never asked properly, never suspected a thing. And what if…what if he doesn't make it? He's all I have."

Tears started to well up in his eyes. It was sort of thwarting to cry in front of a colleague, but Tess was perceptive, and put her hand on his arm. The door suddenly latched open; it was Kirsty, looking solemn but sympathetic.

"Lenny, this was in Yuki's pocket. You might want to read it."

Lenny nodded, and Tess looked up at Kirsty.

"How is he?"

Kirsty smiled slightly.

"He's out of any immediate danger; we've stabilized his condition and the drugs are out of his system. Obviously, we're going to have to talk to him when he comes round, I think he'll be okay though, and you can come in to see him if you want."

Tess and Lenny nodded, and Kirsty excused herself.

"See, he's going to be fine."

Lenny nodded.

"Yeah. Physically."

"Why don't you go in and see him?"

Lenny nodded again, and got up to leave the room.

"Thanks, Tess."

He walked through the ED-everyone knew now-and opened the plastic doors into resus…


	4. Chapter 4

_No Way Out_

_(There's no way out of this dark place_

_No hope, no future_

_I know I can't be free_

_But I can't see another way_

_I can't face another day.)_

_Good old Disney! Good old Phil Collins! XD_

"Hey there, Yuki."

The words were quite clear. Yuki had someone leaning over his bedside, smiling sympathetically, his friend Lenny. Yuki lifted his head up; he felt terrible. There were monitors around him, like the ones where he worked. He felt drips in his hands. Then he remembered what had happened and found himself vomiting before he could think of anything else.

"Hey, hey, it's okay."

Lenny had put a paper bowl under his chin with his left hand, moving back black curls from his face in his right. Oh my God, Yuki thought abruptly, what have I done? He recalled feeling very despondent, stealing painkillers, the strongest he could get prescribed, from the hospital pharmacist, drinking maybe half a bottle of Vodka before collapsing in anguish…

"How are you feeling?"

Yuki slumped back down on the bed and looked at his friends cerulean eyes to see disenchantment. Everything else was indistinct around the edges. He coughed apprehensively. He felt petrified of the lack of vision.

"It's too dark."

Lenny pulled a stool up and sat down next to his friend. He sighed and turned the lamp on above the bed.

"Better?"

Yuki curled up and lay on his side, his face forming a grimace, staring uncomprehendingly at nothing but feeling the dull ache of unhappiness come to haunt him again. He'd hurt Lenny again. His voice was barely a murmur when he responded yes to Lenny's question. Lenny himself frowned too, his hands over his hair. Yuki was so provoking, so infuriating, and to be quite honest, he didn't know what to do.

"I need you to tell me why you feel so unhappy."

Lenny's question wasn't supposed to have been audible; it was a question he was thinking that had come out aloud. Yuki let out a small groan, turned his head over to look at Lenny, dark eyes looking lost and unaccompanied as ever. There was a hiatus, before Yuki began to speak.

"I don't know. I just feel like a loser. I always have done. And since May did that to me, I felt even worse, and it just got out of control to a point where I couldn't take it anymore."

Lenny sighed, as he lost the eye contact with his friend.

"But you wanted to. You wanted to tell me. I know you did, you wrote it in the note."

Yuki's face turned into total panic, as he grasped the covers and pulled them closer against him. He turned away from Lenny again and buried his head in the pillow.

"You could've talked to me; I would've listened to whatever you had to say."

Yuki shook his head, and Lenny could see tears well up in his eyes.

"It's not that easy. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Yuki shook his head again, sat upright in bed, arms over the sheets, looking very much worse for wear. He was sobbing now, tears streaming unavoidably down his cheeks, hands shaking as he cradled his broken self. Lenny moved closer, held his arms out.

"Come on. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Yuki edged in closer and Lenny wrapped his arms around his friend, hugging him like best friends should do. And both men found themselves crying, because they felt as though they had found each other after all of the drama and heartache that had come about.

"You're going to be okay, Yuki, we're going to sort this out and get some help and everything will be okay, I promise."

Yuki sniffled slightly and laughed weakly, smiling somewhat sarcastically but still keeping the grimness in his eyes.

"I don't even know why you care."

Lenny laughed back, loudly this time, and shook his head in disbelief.

"Yuki, you're like my little brother. I hate seeing you sad. But you're gonna have to promise me something Yuki, never do that again. If you feel like you need to…y'know…hurt yourself…then find somebody and talk to them and tell them that you feel that way…"

Lenny's tone of voice had dropped to quite a stern one. Yuki nodded, thinking about the proposal, feeling panicky once again.

"And then they'll section me."

It was quite blunt, quite calm, but he had said the five words with a shudder. Lenny sat up, and pushed Yuki gently down into bed. Yuki lay staring directly at his friend, his deep brown eyes looking distant. Lenny sighed, and smiled wryly.

"Not necessarily, Yuki, but you're going to have to trust me on this. I am your friend, and I am going to look after you and listen to you and be there for you whilst you're suffering like this, whether you like it or not, okay?"

The younger doctor nodded to signal that he had understood, and sighed in his typical inattentive manner. He held out his hand, drip and bandage and hospital bracelet quite obstructively there, and Lenny held it back firmly. _This is what Haro was like_,Yuki thought to himself glumly as he lay on the gurney, looking up into space. _Haro wouldn't be happy with me. He knows I've messed up. He's going to punish me for this._

"You okay? Do you want to talk about anything now? You don't have to, but if you do…"

"No, not really, thanks."

Lenny nodded, and sighed slightly, before standing up.

"Okay, Yuki, you get some rest. I'm going to go and get some of your things. Do you want me to call anyone up? Your mum or your uncle or anyone?"

Yuki shook his head.

"Alright. Well if there's anything else you need?"

"No. Just clothes and stuff until I get out of here."

Lenny nodded, let go of Yuki's hand and walked over to the E.D. doors.

"Okay. See you soon, trouble!"

Yuki lifted his hand up as if to wave, before lying back on his side and falling asleep.

"Yuki? Are you awake?"

The young doctor woke up again. Adam Trueman, his colleague and, in this case, doctor, was leaning over him, smiling sheepishly, his voice like Lenny's: sympathetic. Yuki sighed, and nodded his head.

"We're going to move you upstairs; we should be able to discharge you in a couple of days. In the meantime, someone from psychiatric is going to need to do an assessment."

"Whatever."

Yuki was quite simply past caring. He had woken up in a particularly bad mood, as the guilt had now sunk in, and he was in pain, physically and mentally. Adam sighed.

"Is there anything you need, anyone we can contact for you?"

"No."

Adam nodded.

"Not even your parents?"

Yuki turned his head to look at the other doctor in the face, feeling quite annoyed now.

"I don't want to worry them. I'm not dead, it's no big deal."

Adam hated seeing his colleague so withdrawn, but he had no choice but nod and agree-he didn't feel like he could change Yuki's mind. He let the porters take the young doctor upstairs, and he took the walk up to Mr Jordan's office. After knocking, he walked in, looking solemn.

"I'm going to presume this is about Dr Reid."

Adam nodded and sat down stiffly.

"We said never again. After Ruth, we said that we'd never let it happen again."

Nick sighed, frowning inexpressively.

"I know we did, and I'm extremely concerned about Dr Reid…"

"Yuki! His name is Yuki! These aren't just doctors in your department Nick, they're people!"

"Alright, alright, I'm not an inconsiderate man, you know that!"

Adam looked at Nick angrily.

"You don't seem to be taking the situation seriously. Two suicide attempts by F2 doctors in 3 years in this E.D., doesn't that worry you?"

Nick looked up straight into the expatiated doctor's face.

"Yes, Adam! Of course it worries me! And we will be doing as much as possible to help Yuki if he needs the support."

"But that's the problem here, Nick. We should've seen it earlier. We've made exactly the same mistakes we made with Ruth. Yes, it was hard to spot with Yuki because he wouldn't say boo to a goose, but that's not an excuse!"

Nick nodded slowly, his face crestfallen. Adam had certainly put his point across.

"Okay. Okay Adam, I know what you're saying. I don't think the E.D. would take well to group counselling though, somehow."

"I'm not saying that's necessarily the solution, but how about we spend more time with the more junior staff to make sure that they're settling in and that they're okay. And if something goes wrong in their personal life, we make sure we keep an eye on said staff member. We should have kept a closer eye on Yuki, he spent four weeks sleeping rough over a girl, and we just left him to get on with it."

Nick nodded at the suggestion. All he really did throughout the confrontation was nod.

"Adam, keep an eye on staff nurse Durrhani, because I'm concerned she's struggling to fit in, and on Dr Lyons, being Yuki's best friend and the one who found him in…well, in his state."

Adam smiled briefly as he got up to walk out.

"I will. You can bet on it."


	5. Chapter 5

Lenny walked into the eerie silence that was Yuki's bedroom. There was a strong stench of vomit and alcohol that lingered, so Lenny pulled back the curtains and opened the window. The room brightened up, helped by the red wallpaper, or what was visible of it. Most of the wall was covered in posters of medical terminology, and bands, and_ writing, _unhappy messages written in marker pen next to his bed. It wasn't like Yuki to graffiti a wall.

On his bedside table, there were photographs. There was one of Yuki and Haro as children, the younger brother's curly hair and gappy teeth standing out like a sore thumb, the older brother looking cool and confident. There were two with Yuki and his family, one on holiday to some foreign destination, his mum and dad and brother, and the other during one of Yuki's birthdays, maybe his 11th or 12th birthday, and he had the appearance of a total geek by this stage. There were a handful of the photobooth pictures of Yuki and May back in medical school, messing around as the naïve teenagers they were. At the bottom of the pile was one of Yuki and Lenny in their first house together as they started their placement as F2's at Holby, Yuki sat in his scarf and hoodie, book in hand and with a freaked out look on his face, Lenny smiling too, but with his fists in the air, looking loud and aggressive. Lenny laughed when he saw the picture, but decided against bringing them, particularly to ones of Haro and May: they seemed to be the main causes of upset.

There were books in a neat pile next to the photographs; mostly anatomy books, but then there were sketchbooks and notebooks too. Perhaps unpretentiously Lenny decided to have a look in the first sketchbook he found. Yuki was a fantastic drawer, and had a great eye for detail, the same eye he applied in medicine. There were drawings of animals, scenery, arrows and stars and lovehearts, manga, musical notes, and a range of other healthy things. By the latter half of the book though, the drawings became darker and more emotion filled-people with broken bodies, broken homes, broken promises, all illustrated in a Gothic manner that Yuki had perfected. There was no love, no happiness, no peace, just pain and sorrow. All Lenny had needed to do was flick through the sketchbook to realise that there was something not quite right.

He took a look through the battered notebooks, his diary entries filled with the content of the note that was screwed up in Lenny's pocket, only with more detail. He realised that Yuki loved him, _really _loved him, and that was the scariest thing of all, because the feeling wasn't mutual. He loved Yuki as a brother and as a friend, but nothing more, and he didn't think that Yuki was in a good place to be romantic with anybody right now. How was he going to break it to him though? He's going to be absolutely heartbroken, and he'll become even more withdrawn, which could lead to another suicide attempt…

No. Lenny picked up the diary and put it in his bag.

Lenny noticed the room was immaculately tidy. He went downstairs to get the cleaning products, and got on with cleaning the vomit from the floor. The bottle of Vodka went in the bin, but he pocketed the box of medication; Yuki had probably stolen them. As far as he knew, he had no physical complaints, and hydromorphone is one strong painkiller. He sighed deeply; Yuki was in a _really _bad place right now.

Finally, he made the bed, and picked out a fistful of underwear and his favourite clothes: his green hoodie, his scarf, his woolly hat, his t-shirts in various colours, his favourite jeans and favourite pair of pyjamas, and his white Converse All Stars. He picked up miscellaneous things- iPod, comb, gloves, headphones, bottles of water, packets of tissues, magazines, toothbrush and toothpaste, spare pair of glasses, hot water bottle and blanket -and put them all in his bag, along with the diary. He shut the window, closed the door quietly, and left the room.

"Lenny? You alright?"

Adam smiled at his colleague as he sat at the desk and wrote out medical forms, two days after the occurrence with Yuki. Lenny smiled back.

"I'm fine. Jordan ask you to check up on me or something?"

Adam laughed slightly and stood next to the Scot.

"Yep. How's Yuki?"

His tone of voice became more serious on the latter sentence. Lenny sighed a little before grinning again.

"He's coming home tomorrow. Better keep cleaning his room, seeing as he threw up everywhere when…well…"

Adam put a hand on the other doctor's shoulder. Lenny looked up and nodded a little.

"Do you want me to help clean out his room? I understand why you wouldn't really want to go in there."

"Nah, it's okay. I don't think he likes people rummaging around his stuff anyway."

Adam sat down at the desk next to Lenny. The E.D. wasn't busy today.

"So, with Yuki, what did the psychiatrist say?"

Lenny sighed and stretched out his arms.

"Erm well, I don't know the ins and outs, but he's been prescribed anti-depressants and behavioural therapy. They don't think its bipolar disorder or anything extravagant. Not saying depression isn't serious…"

"I know what you mean, mate."

Adam gave a warm smile. Lenny nodded his head again.

"Without sounding paranoid or anything crazy, what kinda thing have people been saying?"

The older doctor sighed deeply and looked upwards, as if to extract important information.

"Not much. I think people are a bit worried about saying anything. Do you think we should send him a card? Jay thought it would be a good way to show that we care, but Ruth told us not to incase it made him feel guilty and upset."

"I don't think Yuki could feel anymore guilty and upset. He needs people around him who care about him, as much as he tries to deny it. I think it's a great idea. And what does Dr Winters know anyway?"

Adam sighed at Lenny's puzzled expression.

"Because, Lenny, Ruth tried to kill herself aswell. She isn't the easiest person to get along with, but she knows better than anyone how Yuki must be feeling right now."

Lenny raised his eyebrow slightly and looked downwards, a little stunned and surprised.

"Wow. Didn't know that."

Adam nodded sadly.

"I'll tell you this; Tess and Nick in particular are very concerned. Two suicide attempts by young doctors in 3 years in one department don't look great, does it?"

Lenny smiled slightly.

"Not on Mr Jordan's books, anyway."

"Do you think that Yuki would like to come back to work?"

Lenny nodded.

"Yeah, I don't doubt it. When he feels ready."

"Of course. Anyway you, back to work!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Welcome back to normality, Yuki-boy!"

Lenny had his cheeriest voice on as the two doctors stood in the hallway of their shared house. He may well have been grinning like a Cheshire cat, but Yuki wasn't finding him very funny, and still had a grim expression on his face. He looked half asleep, eyes still tired under his glasses, but he was aware enough of his surroundings, aware that the last time he was in this house he had had enough of life. Right now, given the second chance, if you like, the atmosphere was no different. Still the same paint on the walls, still the same messy piles of shoes by the door.

"Yeah. It's great."

Lenny shot Yuki a concerned look, as Yuki walked in, looking upwards and around in what seemed like great detail, bag still slung over his shoulders. He put it down carefully on the staircase and closed the front door, before sitting on the step, sighing deeply and looking up at his friend. Lenny smiled slightly and leant against the wall.

"Cheer up mate. Come on; let's go watch some TV, yeah?"

Yuki pulled a face that resembled a scowl, but he did what he was told, stood up and went into the lounge to watch what appeared to be the omnibus of _EastEnders_. He sat on the sofa looking all the more defenceless, curled up with his knees tucked under his arms. He didn't look so miserable anymore though, which was a good sign to Lenny, so he went into the kitchen to pour some drinks. On his return from the kitchen, carrying 2 glasses of lemonade, Lenny smiled as Yuki had already found the television guide and was reading out the listings to his friend with a contented face.

"Lenny, there really isn't anything on, is there?"

Lenny laughed a little and sat down next to Yuki.

"No, no there isn't. Since when did you watch _EastEnders_?"

Lenny had turned attention to the bickering on the television. Yuki blushed a little and shrugged in response to the question.

"God, Yuki, no wonder you're so depressed, all they do is yell at each other."

Yuki suddenly shot Lenny a look that was a combination of hurt, outrage and confusion. He got up angrily and stormed out of the room.

"Yuki, I was joking!"

Yuki paused at the doorway, looked back and glowered at Lenny, who was sat there feeling a bit baffled, and not realising that his comments were somewhat insensitive.

"Yeah? Well it wasn't funny."

Lenny heard banging, and realised that Yuki had shut himself in his room again. Frustrated, Lenny followed and stood outside his friend's door.

"Yuki, come on, I'm sorry!"

"Just leave me alone!"

The voice was unlike Yuki's usual polite tone. Lenny sighed anxiously. Having an argument through a door wasn't very mature but that fact failed to bother either of them.

"Yuki, don't do this…"

"Do what? Who said I was going to do anything?"

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid…"

"Go away Lenny!"

"Promise me Yuki!"

"Promise me that you'll leave me alone?"

Lenny lost his temper and slammed against the wall, which made his friend jump on the other side of the wall.

"Fine! Have it your way!"

He stormed downstairs and slammed the lounge door shut. He turned the TV off and put some music on; Bon Jovi would do the trick. The music composed the young doctor, and four tracks in he was dancing around and singing along to the songs like a bit of an idiot. The incident with Yuki still made him feel guilty after each song though, and when he turned the music off after 3 hours, he felt guilty for not checking up on him either. Despite all of his concern, he felt it best to leave him be.

At 7pm, Lenny anxiously stuck his head around Yuki's bedroom door to find him curled up in bed with a book. Lenny's sigh of relief made the other man look up. He looked particularly deadpan and slightly annoyed.

"Yes?"

"I was ordering some pizza, do you want anything?"

Yuki gave a surprised look, but shook his head and went back to his book. Lenny nodded to show that he understood, although he wasn't really pleased with the answer; Yuki needed to eat, as he had lost his appetite considerably in the last few months and now resembled a rake. There was no convincing some people, though, and pushing him would drive him further away.

At 8pm, after eating his pepperoni pizza, Lenny started the washing up and the general tidying of what was a messy house. Yuki usually did this, being the most clean out of the two of them, but today Lenny wanted to show that he could be clean and tidy aswell.

At 9pm, it started to rain, just a drizzle at first in the inky sky, that turned into a full blown flood soon after. Lenny sat down to watch a documentary on something so dull he could not recall.

At 10pm, a storm broke, and the windows and doors rattled and hissed. It didn't bother Lenny too much, as he got some hot chocolate and started studying.

At 11pm, Lenny went to bed. It was a cold night, so he pulled on some pyjamas in the dark and jumped into bed. He thought about Yuki and his worry for his friend, and dreaded on what he would do if he did something crazy again. The lightning and thunder and rain echoed around the bedroom, and Lenny was about to doze off when he saw a dark shadow approach him from his right. In fear, he sat up suddenly and turned the lamp on to see his dishevelled housemate standing nearby.

"Yuki? What's up mate?"

Yuki drooped his head and sighed.

"Couldn't sleep. Just wanted to apologise."

Lenny laughed and rolled his eyes.

"At this time of night?"

"Yeah."

Yuki looked up in a very childlike manner and sighed again. Lenny grabbed hold of his right arm and shot a concerned look.

"You're freezing, Yuki, come here."

Although slightly puzzled at both his own actions and at his friends, Lenny tugged Yuki into his bed, and under the covers, and found himself holding him, arms around his waist, hands on his back, and his chin nuzzling Yuki's thick black hair. He really was cold, but Yuki embraced his friend back too in an entirely platonic but caring manner as they shared body heat.

"I've never liked the thunderstorms, they freak me out."

Yuki looked up into his friends blue eyes and grimaced slightly, and Lenny moved one hand over the back of Yuki's head, playing with his hair, because Yuki has very nice hair.

"Ditto. Like how you freaked me out today."

Lenny frowned as he made the statement, and he brushed out strands of hair from Yuki's face with his fingers. His other hand was over Yuki's ribs somewhere, and he could feel skin and bones underneath his t-shirt, a sensation that wasn't very nice to feel. Yuki frowned back and lowered his eyes, feeling quite numb and quite humiliated.

"I'm really sorry. I completely overreacted."

Lenny sighed and giggled and held Yuki even closer against his body, as though he was cradling a young child.

"Nope, that was just me putting my foot into things and being tactless."

Yuki giggled back quite innocently and relaxed in the warmth; although the thunder continued to get louder, he felt safe for the first time in ages.

"I just get scared that you're going to hurt yourself again."

Lenny had said it bluntly and Yuki retracted a little, in a wary manner. Lenny gave an apologetic look, but Yuki shook his head and smiled a little.

"I'm not going to hurt myself. It's not like you're going to let me."

There was a pause, and the two doctors looked straight at each other. Despite the seriousness of the situation, the two of them started laughing like nobody else in the world was watching, and Lenny realised how much he enjoyed Yuki's company; he was witty above anything, and his sense of humour was what made him so likeable. That and the fact that Yuki is completely adorable, even Lenny will admit it himself. He thought that maybe his view on Yuki might have changed ever so slightly as he lay in bed with him.

"Maybe it'll snow after the storm."

Lenny's suggestion was random, and the two doctors found themselves giggling like schoolchildren once again.

"Of course it will. Yuki means snow, so I am eternally awesome."

"Well Leonard means lion strong, so I could thrash your bits of frozen ice any day!"

"Why are we having such a random conversation?"

Lenny grinned and held Yuki closer still, breathing into his hair.

"Don't know, mate. I have work in 5 hours time though so some sleep would be nice."

Yuki smiled and nodded his head.

"Alright then. Night Lenny."

"Night Yuki."

Lenny threw the covers even closer towards the two doctors, and between them they were as warm as ever. Lenny fell very quickly into reverie, as the storms above them died down and a new day begun.


End file.
